The last installment of the New York MOOKS Report restaurant review featured the gloriously grease-embracing soul food cuisine of Pies-N-Thighs. This time we visit another fellow finger licking establishment, Fette Sau, where BBQ is big and meat is king.

Members of the cast:
Jeff Simmermon, writer, storyteller and blogger extraordinaire. You may know Jeff from his most recent internet domination via the ‘Types of Bitches‘ meme, or more widely from his always entertaining website, andiamnotlying.com. Also it’s important to know that one of his stories about the Williamsburg Hair was recently turned into a documentary. Hipsters beware.

Items considered:
Berkshire St Louis Style Pork Ribs
Beef Brisket
Berkshire Belly (pork)
Hand Pulled Berkshire Shoulder (pork)

“BBQ is for everyone, but it’s better if it’s made by a fat person,” Jeff explained as we sat down at one of Fette Sau’s  communal wooden tables outside, “because you know they have a vested interest in it.” Just as Australians take their barbecuing as seriously as they do their beer, Americans traditionally have a very close relationship with meat. Four different types were sampled tonight (let it be known that it was a half pound of each, clocking in at a hefty one pound per person), as well as the token greenery coming in the form of coleslaw. The American flag wet towelettes were a nice touch, as were the four different kinds of sauces.

Jeff on the Berkshire St Louis Style Pork Ribs: “The ribs are best when they’re dripping hot. I like them because they’re the ultimate social equalizer; table manners are thrown out the window when it comes to eating these bad boys.”

Jeff on the Beef Brisket: “The brisket is cowboy style; tender but tough. It’s like making love to a cowboy with your mouth. You know what you’re getting from start to finish, and the shit’s still good.”

Jeff on the Berkshire Belly: “America’s most nearly-spreadable meat. It’s like aerogel.”

Jeff on the Hand Pulled Berkshire Shoulder: “It’s just like home for me. It’s just good.”

Evidently, there’s not much separation between BBQ and rock’n'roll. According to Jeff, the four points in the meat star can be equated to the various members of Led Zeppelin, because without them all, they’re nothing. The belly is Robert Plant, the ribs are Jimmy Page (“high maintenance with a certain level of manipulation), the brisket is John Paul Jones, and the pulled pork is John Bonham (“the workhorse, the drummer that keeps it all together”).

And with that in mind, may we present to you Jeff’s Meatriarchy:

Belly > pulled pork > ribs > brisket

Overall verdict: 8/10. “Only because the Salt Lick (the famous Texas BBQ place) is the 10. You can’t fuck with the ten.”

Fette Sau
354 Metropolitan Ave
Brooklyn NY 11211
718-936-3404




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